Willy Wakka and the Blitzball Factory
by AntiMusicMan
Summary: .COMPLETED. The YRP gang has just defeated Vegnagun. What will they do when Paine and Shinra leave and a strange sign appears in the sky? And what's with all the singing? Hilarious beyond belief!
1. Chapter 1

**Willy Wakka and the Blitzball Factory**

**Disclaimer:**We do not own FFX, FFX-2 or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We do own Willy Wakka.

SPOILERS! Rated T for underage drinking and murder...kinda. And suicide and suggestive themes. Rikku bashing in this chapter, sorry, its just so much fun.

**Chapter 1: Chapter 5 Complete!**

Yuna, Rikku, and Paine are on the airship. Yuna is having fun riding on the back of the airship. They were celebrating their victory over the destructive machina, Vegnagun. They were caught up in the moment and had a few too many alcoholic beverages. In other words they were wasted. Paine in a drunken stupor says, "You know what guys, cuz you guys are some hot guys. And I think I'm gonna go jump off. See ya guys later." Rikku and Yuna being drunken don't realize Paine's suicidal remark. Paine flings out her arms and says, "I can fly!" And Yuna was like, "OMY, that's my line!" (Oh my Yevon) She takes her beer bottle and lazily chucks it at Paine. Paine, from the knock of the beer bottle falls off and screams, " WHEEEE!"

Yuna and Rikku were wasted and didn't realize that Paine fell off and decided to go back inside. Yuna and Rikku being the 'bestest' of cousins decide to sleep in the same bed. (They're NOT lesbians so stop thinking it!) So as they sleep Rikku has a dream.

_The YRP gang is flying on the airship, much like they were this night, except they weren't drunk and Paine didn't fall off. As they fly by, they notice a giganto sign in the sky. Yuna screams at it, "what the-?" Paine, being her sadistic self remarked, "It says 'Chapter 5 Complete!' duh! Wait, why does it say-" Rikku jumped up and down excitedly, "I know, I know, it's cause we defeated Vegnagun." Yuna and Paine looked at Rikku, wondering how she came up with an actual idea, and one that made sense._

Rikku wakes up, screaming at the nightmare. I mean, being smart is not something Rikku should be. She shakes her 'bestest' cousin, Yuna, because she seemed to be having a nightmare as well. Yuna shot her head up and whacked Rikku. She turned her head, looking for her Al Bhed cousin. "Oops," she said as she realized she knocked her off the bed. "Sorry."

Rikku got up, trying not to get mad at Yuna. "I had a nightmare, Yunie, and it was scary!" Yuna tried to comfort her younger cousin. She asked her what the dream was about, and Rikku went on to tell her the dream. Yuna gasped and whacked Rikku off again. "OMY! I HAD THE EXACT SAME DREAM, TOO!" Rikku was confused and then shouted, "We must be like psychic or something, since we had the same dream. Maybe it was that bed?" Rikku pointed eeiringly at the bed, as if it was haunted. Yuna shrugged her shoulders and the loud speaker sounded.

"Yuna, Rikku, Paine... report to the bridge, PRONTO!" said Brother in his amateur English voice. The two cousins went and totally forgot that Paine wasn't with them.

When they got to the bridge, Brother told them the situation. "Look!" Brother was pointing out the window. Yuna and Rikku went to the wall to see what it was. They turned around, their faces grim as if they had seen a ghost. The cousins whispered to each other and then Rikku smiled and clapped her hands. Brother was confused and cocked his head, "What?"

Rikku began hysterically giggling and couldn't stop. Yuna decided to fill poor Brother in. "We've already seen it Brother. We saw it in a dream." she giggled, not sure whether he would understand. He flopped over, passing out from the shock. Rikku stopped and stared at him. "He'll be okay," Shinra responded.

Buddy was still confused and asked them to fill him in. Yuna decided to. "We," pointing to herself and Rikku, "had the same dream. In it, we saw this exact same sign, the red one that reads, 'Chapter Five Complete!'".

"Alright, that make sense... kinda," Buddy remarked still being weirded out by their "psychic" abilities. "But why is there just infinite darkness after the sign?" They all looked at Shinra, waiting for an answer. He just said his famous line, "I'm just a kid."

Brother shot up and shouted his order, "Let's go through!" He then immediately fell back over and continued his nap. The four of them looked at Brother with dropped jaws. "Well, the leader gave us an order, right?"

They went back totheir stations, ready to go through. Shinra muttered to himself, "I hate them all, these stupid imbeciles." He got down from his chair and took the elevator up to the deck. The three Gullwings looked out the window, trying to see what Shinra was doing. Suddenly, they heard a faint yell and saw a small beige colored body fall down off the deck, and into the sky. He kept falling, and they watched him until he was no longer visible.

"I suppose he couldn't stand the separation with Paine." Yuna and Rikku looked at Buddy. "He liked Paine, you didn't know?" They shook their heads. '_That little runt liked Paine! But why?'_ They gave up trying to solve this "mystery" and went to go steer the Celsius into the black abyss.

"Here we go!" Brother pointed his finger, ramrod straight, at the darkness. He had waken up. Buddy pushed the ignition and they went flying off into the dark sky.

They had been flying for a few minutes, and still nothing had appeared. Suddenly they heard a maniacal laugh, but it was silly all the same. They tried to see what was making the hilarious noise and magically a giant bust appeared.

It was a male face, with a giant fiery orange hair in a cowlick. He was wearing a purple top hat on his hair, along with a matching purple bow tie. "IT'S WAKKA! OH MY YEVON!" Yuna squealed. She fell over from the shock, and Brother promptly led her to a bed for 'resting'.

Rikku kept looking at the face, wondering how Wakka projected himself into the sky. She decided to ask Wakka herself. "WAKKA, WHY DID YOU-" She was cut short as the airship was sucked through Wakka's mouth. She grabbed Buddy, trying to stay steady. As they were being "swallowed", they heard strange voices singing a even stranger song.

The voices were faintly singing, "_Willy Wakka, Willy Wakka, the amazing blitzball-teer! Willy Wakka, Willy Wakka, he drinks a lot of beer. With so much generosity and nowhere to put it, he makes a lot of blitzballs, and gives them to the CHILDREN_!" Rikku listened to the catchy tune and started singing and dancing to it. The song continued,"..._Willy Wakka hey! Willy Wakka hey!... Willy Wakka, Willy Wakka, the amazing blitzball-teer!..."_

Yuna is revived and she and Brother left his room and entered the bridge. She is blushing slightly. Rikku giggled and then screamed. The ship nosedived and crash lands in front of a giganto building. Thankfully no one was injured. "Let's go!" Brother ordered.

The group went in, and were surprised that the doors were unlocked. "Was he expecting us?"

The room they walk into is extremely dark, and they can't see a thing. "Does this guy have some liking to the darkness?" They stayed put, waiting for the lights to turn on. A single spot light shined a few feet away from the group. The light blinded them, and they heard achildish voice says, "Welcome, I am Willy Wakka!"


	2. Chapter 2

We (me and neighbors who are helping me write this) have all seen the movie, _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,_ so the fic might resemble the movies. Both the old or new one, so enjoy! Here's the awaited chapter two!

**Chapter Two: Never Say "_Weird"_**

"Willy Wakka... that's an interesting name, it's kinda weird." Brother pointed out. Willy Wakka snarled at the crazed teenager, and gave him a death-stare. "That _word_ is not permitted in this factory!"

"And you sir, what about you?" He continued. "Are you not _weird_, are you? I mean look at your hideous outfit, where is your shirt for chocolate's sakes! And the makeup, and tattoos, what are you? A diva pop monkey?"

"Diva... pop monkey?" Rikku liked the word 'monkey'; it was the codein Zanarkand after all.

"You, call me 'diva pop-monkey'? Oui pek eteudel sunuh! Oui ryja binbma lmudrac, yht E's faent? Oui ryja syzun eccicac syh. OUI YNA FAENT!"

Willy Wakka grew extremely outraged and jumped on top of Brother.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! He's attacking me! GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF!" Brother slapped and scratched at his attacker, but it didn't seem to do anything. Willy Wakka then pulled out a bag of Venezeulan Fish. He ripped open the wrapper and poured the candy all over the crazed victim.

Brother stopped struggling and gave him a confused look. "What in the name of all that is tattoed and makeup-ed is candy gonna do?" Willy Wakka grinned and laughed, then promptly stopped, stood still, and snapped his fingers. The candy fishes began to shake, and then flipped and flopped on Brother's belly and head. One of the candy fish landed on his nose, and bit it, causing a sharp, shrill pain to enter Brother.

He screamed and began to flail at the candy. Consequently, the fish began to eat the moving appendages, and soon Brother was covered in the parasite candies! Willy Wakka got up, and brushed the slight amount of dirt off of his purple suit. "Well, if you would like to continue..."

"Continue! And just leave him here to die! BROTHER WAS MY BOYF— COUSIN." Yuna glanced around, and blushed, hoping no one would notice her slip of words. "Yah, let's continue."

As they left, Yuna looked back and whispered, "I love you, tattoes, makeup and all!" Brother fell deep in love, and died happily ever after.

**THE END**

"Hey, why is that there? This can't be the end yet!" Rikku ran up and rearranged some letters so now it spelled, "TED HEN"

"What," Rikku said trying to defend herself, "it's a cute name."

The four people walked down a hallway, one that seemed to get smaller and smaller as they walked on. Rikku, whom happened to be claustrophobic, began to tremble and shake, and grabbed Willy Wakka's shoulder for support. Willy (as he shall now be referenced as) turned around and quickly shoved her arm off. "Please," he said in a polite and quirky manner, "do not touch me. EVER. Or else I may have to chuck a booger-muffin at you, which would result in a fate similar to your friend."

Rikku shuddered, not wanting to be destroyed by a "booger-muffin".

The four continued to walk, the only sounds their clicking shoes and their breaths. The remaining Gullwings were very disturbed by this man, one who resembled their dear friend. They decided silence was the key to help keep this weirdo- I mean- deranged man from ticking.

They reached a very tiny door, one so small even Rikku couldn't fit into it. Rikku figured she could chuck a bomb at the wall. She pulled an mGr-bomb out of her pocket and lit it. "mGr-bomb away!"

She chucked it and it hit the door. The group covered their ears and closed their eyes. They braced for the impact, but it never came. Rikku opened her eyes first, and saw that the bomb had bounced off the door, and rolled in front of them. Her eyes grew wider every second as she saw the fuse slowly burn down. They had only a few seconds. "Everyone RUN!"

The Gullwings reacted first, used to Rikku's silly antics, and ran. Willy reacted slower and just began moving as the bomb went off.

The smoke cleared and the door stood intact. The wall around it though, had completely crumbled. The mission was successful and they walked through the hole in the wall.

They found themselves now in a giant hall, similar to where they first met Willy Wakka. To the side, all lined up single file, were many Spirans.

Gippal, Baralai, Nooj, Leblanc, Tidus, Kimahri, and Vidina, were all lined up.  
Auron, Seymour, Braska, Jecht, and Paine were there as well, all back from the dead!

Yuna, Rikku, and Buddy joined the group, awaiting orders or instructions.

It seemed Willy Wakka had eluded the group during the mGr-bomb fiasco, and now appeared again.

"Welcome, one and all, to my wonderful Blitzball and Sweetery Factory. I have summoned you all here to complete a task for me, and the person to complete it will receive a wonderful and scrumptulous prize!" He paused for dramatic effect, and the guests all gasped. He continued his monologue. "You all here have been selected for some deed or action that you have done in the past, which qualified you to come here. Now, I will have my Pumba-Moombas examine you, and determine whether you may continue onward. Please, do not act any different than you normally would."

And finishing, he snapped his fingers and his trustful Pumba-Moombas came running out. They began to inspect the contestants, muttering compliments and criticism at them. They scribbled their opinions on a notebook, and handed it to Willy Wakka.

"Hmm… well, the Pumba-Moombashave given me the list of people who are to stay, and of who are to go." The room suddenly went pitch black, a tiny light above Willy Wakka, and a spotlight on the first contestant. "Tidus Gloop… my Pumba-Moombassay that despite your obesity, that you will stay." The spotlight shined off of Tidus and onto Gippal next.

"You my dear sir, are not as fortunate. They've examined you, and decided that Gippal shall stay here and become a worker!" Dramatic music began playing softly in the background, as if the elimination round of a game show.

Willy then continued down the list, adding a comment to each contestant. By the end of it all, the standings were thus:

Tidus, Yuna, Rikku, Vidina, and Auron were chosen to continue onward.  
Gippal, Kimahri, Baralai, Paine, and Braska were chosen to be workers and assist the Pumba-Moombas.  
Seymour, Jecht, Nooj, and Leblanc were all kicked out, and were wished better luck next time.

Willy Wakka snapped his fingers again, and the lights returned back to normal. He smiled, one almost too giddy. He motioned his fingers toward another door and began walking towards it. The workers were being called by the Pumba-Moombas to learn how to operate the machinery, wrap candies, create blitzballs, etc. The rest began talking amongst themselves. Yuna walked shyly over to Tidus.

"Wow, Tidus, you've really… let yourself go." Yuna admitted. Tidus had changed very much in two short years. He no longer was the fit star blitzer he used to be. He had swollen tremendously, and reminded Yuna of a blitzball. He wore a blue-and-white striped jumpsuit, and had a red beanie on. His face had swollen too, and his cheeks were now chubby. Yuna thanked herself for choosing to like Brother and not Tidus anymore.

"Yuna," Tidus bellowed between bites, "I haven't seen you in a long time. How you been?" He stuck out a messy hand, with chocolate still dripping from it. Yuna feigned interest and smiled politely. "O, pretty good. Just saving the world, again. No big." She said goodbye and went off to find someone else to talk to.

Rikku was enjoying herself. She was talking to Vidina, an aspiring blitzer. His flame hair reminded the Al Bhed of Wakka, which reminded her of Willy Wakka. She wondered if they were related. Vidina was fifteen, the youngest of the group. He was polite, but held the same arrogance that his father did. His outfit was the signature Besaid Auroch uniform; he was a player of theirs.

Willy looked at the room, looking slightly annoyed, but cheerful all the same. The bad seeds had been kicked out, and the decent people had become the workers. The five left were the only true contestants, and they would never be able to imagine the prize in store for them if they won. He called out, as polite as he could be while shouting, "Come along now! We have much to see and much to do!"

The six remaining people lined up. Tidus was in front, followed by Yuna, Rikku, Auron, and finally Vidina. Buddy was off to the side, not sure of what to do since he wasn't called upon. Willy turned around and asked everyone to recite their names. And so everyone did.

"Tidus Gloop."

"Yuna Beauregard."

"Rikku Salt."

"Auron Teavee."

"Vidina Buckets."

And with that said, they continued onward to find the prize. The doors swung open, and the seven of them proceeded inside.

-…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…-

**Al Bhed translation:**  
Oui pek eteudel sunuh! Oui ryja binbma lmudrac, yht E's faent? Oui ryja syzun eccicac syh. OUI YNA FAENT - -  
You big idiotic moron! You have purple clothes, and I'm weird? You have major issuses man. YOU ARE WEIRD

-…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…- … -…-

---Well, what do you think? Please read and review, and give us any suggestions!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this is taking forever to update! I don't really have a good excuse, so here we are at chapter number three! Enjoy.

**Chapter Three: The Chocolate Jungle**

They were all amazed. This definitely was not what they imagined a chocolate factory was going to look like. In fact, it didn't look like a factory at all, more like an indoor jungle. The ceiling rose high up, and was barely able to be seen. The ground was covered with short stubby grass, and a single path winded through it. Throughout the sea of grass, flowers, trees, and mushrooms dotted the area. And, in the middle of it all was a giant lake— a chocolate lake.

Tidus flung his arms up and shouted. Well, he tried to; his mouth was too stuffed with candy to actually make noise. Rikku laughed and pointed, Auron just stood there, Vidina snickered a bit, and Yuna just made a disgusted grin. She was glad she had broken up with him earlier.

Willy began to explain this strange room to them. "This is my Chocolate Jungle! Here we raise the most exquisite chocolate specimens in the entire universe!" He motioned his hand in a circle, so everyone could marvel at his wonderful accomplishment.

"Now, before we continue, I have something to say." The five contestants looked at Willy, some paying closer attention than others. "First, I would like to warn you NOT to wander off. Many plants and animals here are a tad-bit dangerous, and we wouldn't want anyone getting hurt, would we?"

Vidina pointed past Willy and added, "You mean like that?"

Buddy, who was curious about this Chocolate Jungle, had wandered off. Currently, he was being chased by a rabid candylion. It had sharp mints for teeth, and other assorted candies and sweets making up his body. The candylion pounced on Buddy, and sank his teeth into the body. In a few gulps and chews, Buddy was no more.

"Precisely. Now, I have one more thing to tell you." The contestants were slightly disturbed by the fact that Willy hadn't tried to help Buddy, nor even acknowledge his presence or death.

"You probably have asked yourself why you were chosen. I am here to tell you. I am growing older, and eventually, I might die. A most unfortunate event. To insure that this wonderful factory is still operational, I devised this contest."

"You see, you all are my children."

"How can we be your children? We have parents, and our father isn't you." Auron interrupted. Willy gave him a mean stare, and stuck out his tongue. "You just don't believe, is all."

"Anyways, you all are my FAKE children. Only one of you is my real child. This is a contest to see which one of you is my real child. I do not even know myself, so this isn't rigged. I have been so lonely, and I am so excited to finally meet my son."

"Or daughter, right?" Rikku and Yuna asked together.

Willy ignored them and started to walk down the path. The stones were made out of and decorated with dandelions, not to be confused with the ferocious candylions. The six of them walked down the path towards the chocolate lake in the center. Willy continued to tell them about himself, this factory, and this jungle. Most weren't interested, but Yuna and Vidina were listening slightly. They reached the chocolate lake and they all stopped. Willy stopped talking as well, so Tidus decided to take this opportunity. He waddled up to him and shook his hand. Willy gave him a disgusted smile as he did so.

"Willy Wakka, it is such a pleasure to meet you. I want you to know that I love your candies. I love to suckle on your blitzballs." He smiled and took out another candy bar, and began eating it. The other contestants began giggling and laughing, but Willy just smiled. "Well, thank you."

Willy then told the five contestants very shocking news: this room was entirely edible. Everything here could and should be eaten. Vidina, trying to funny, went over and took a bite out of Willy Wakka's hat. It tasted like grape flavored candy. Willy Wakka frowned; he now had to wear a bitten hat. The others went off to try new "foods". Tidus and Rikku just ate whatever they felt like. Yuna and Vidina were more hesitant, trying to figure if it would taste good before trying.

Auron wasn't in the mood for eating, but he was slightly angry, so he went around destroying flowers. Willy caught him and chastised him for the bad behavior. "No sweets for you sir, unless you think you can behave better."

Tidus was also getting himself into trouble. The chocolate lake looked so appetizing, the way it flowed back and forth reminded him of creamy chocolate, and he began drooling. Rikku noticed and giggled. She "accidentally" knocked Tidus into the lake. He snapped out of his daydream, and began to drink the chocolate around him. It tasted so good! He began to eat, slurp, drink, etc. the chocolate goodness around him. He tried to shout back between mouthfuls,

"Ha! Now I shall become a chocolate candy, and become the envy of the world. Children will enjoy me as much as I enjoy this lake. Hahaha!" The other contestants didn't see how this was a good thing, especially since he was drifting more and more towards the center, and presumably the deepest part, of the lake.

Willy, who was finished with punishing Auron, noticed this fiasco. He panicked and started running wildly around. He also shouted a few words that shouldn't be repeated. He calmed down a bit, and took out a miniature blitzball. He touched the top of it with his gloved finger, and it began beeping and flashing. Within minutes, the Pumba-Moombas had arrived, with a few additions.

Gippal, Baralai, Paine, Braska, and Kimahri were all dressed up in a Pumba-Moomba suit, with reminded Yuna and Rikku of a Mascot outfit. It resembled a kiddish lion, but it was colored like a panda bear. And so, Pumba-Moomba! They began dancing, and the new recruits tried to as well. Unfortunately, Kimahri and Braska fell off their little ledge into the lake. Now there was a big problem. And the best way to remedy a situation is to sing.

"_Tidus Gloop. Tidus Gloop. A big fat round, nincompoop. He's contestant one! Contestant one. Now that he is done, we hope he had fun. He fell into the chocolate lake, boy that was a big mistake. He'll never get out of there, without chocolate… in his hair. Tidus Gloop. Tidus Gloop. A big fat round, nincompoop_…"

Kimahri and Braska had managed to get out of the lake and surprisingly without any chocolate on them. "It's the magic of the Pumba-Moombas," a fellow Pumba-Moomba told them, "We can make whatever mess we want, but it automatically cleans itself up." The two shrugged and went back to their spots.

"Well, um, won't anyone help Tidus?" Yuna was worried. Maybe he had swollen up like a giant blitzball, but she still had feelings for him. '_Why do I have to be so caring?'_ she asked herself.

No one did anything to help. The Pumba-Moombas were singing and dancing to their song, Rikku and Willy Wakka had begun dancing too, and Vidina and Auron were just laughing at the Pumba-Moomba costumes.

Yuna, finally realizing she still had strong feelings for Tidus, decided to help. She ran up to Paine and flung the outfit off of her. Luckily, Paine was wearing her bathing suit on underneath. Yuna quickly slid the costume on and then dove into the chocolate lake. She swam to Tidus, who was nearly drowning himself by eating all of the chocolate around him. She then rolled him to safety, back on the grass. Yuna flung the Pumba-Moomba costume off and gave it back to Paine. "You're a life saver."

Tidus was crying, and no one was sure why. Yuna thought it was because she finally showed some sign of affection towards him, but this wasn't the case. Tidus was crying because he liked all the chocolate, even if it would kill him. Yuna grew so mad at him that she grabbed him and flung him back into the lake. She crossed her arms and pouted. "Serves him right!"

Auron, Vidina, and Willy Wakka all made a mental note _not_ to cross Yuna; she definitely was a girl who could fend for herself.

Tidus, who was flung into the chocolate stream, was being rushed into a whirlpool. Willy explained it was the drain that conveyed the chocolate to the rest of the factory. If Tidus went down it, he would either plug it up or go through the system. Everyone was hoping for the latter. Unfortunately, Tidus was too big for the drain and got stuck halfway through. Willy Wakka reasoned the chocolate would push him through, but he was too certain. After a while, the swirl reappeared, and so Tidus was flushed out.

Willy whispered to the Pumba-Moomba, "When you find our contestant number one, please escort him out. I'm sorry, but my child would not overindulge himself at the risk of dying." It nodded, and went back to work in the factory.

Just as Rikku was going to ask where they going to next, a boat drifted into view. Willy invited them to join him on his ride. He promised an exciting and exhilarating ride, and it would move the tour faster along. The four remaining contestants agreed and boarded. Rikku sat in front, trying to figure out how it ran, Yuna and Vidina sat in the middle, admiring the lake and ship, and Auron sat in the back, blank faced as always. Willy Wakka smiled randomly and told the Pumba-Moomba to start the ship. Immediately, it began to move. It almost floated down the river.

Willy Wakka reminded them, "Keep their arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and thank you for riding at Cedar Point, the world's roller coast." He corrected himself, "Riding at Wakka's Factory, the world's sweet ship."

* * *

Well, how's it going so far? I hope it's funny. Please review, suggestions and flames are accepted! 


	4. Chapter 4

I'm doing some major Yuna-bashing in the chapter (Sorry to you Yuna fans, but I just have to) This is her grand finale, so she has to do everything stupid and funny she could possibly do.

I don't think of Yuna as I portray her in the chapter— I just got some crazy ideas and thought'd be funny. So, don't kill me, please?

**Chapter Four: The Blues about Yuna**

Rikku giggled at Willy Wakka's odd statement. It sounded like they were on a roller coaster, and they obviously weren't … but then again, this factory did have its weird points.

She was distracted by some music, and it was getting louder.

"Ah, yes, the river-crossing song. My Pumba-Moombas love to sing it whenever we go riding down the river. I do like it myself. Please, sing along!"

And so, the song began: this is to the tune of "Once Around the River Bend" in Pocahontas

_You can never ride in the same liquid chocolate twice; it's always mixing, always getting eaten!_

Pumba-Moombas began lining the shoreline, and one by one began diving into the chocolate river. They then began dancing like synchronized swimmers.

_But people, I guess, can't live like that; we all must pay the price, of all the really expensive candies! _

At this, the Pumba-Moombas began to flail their arms up and down and shouted at the top of their lungs:

_Just around the chocolate bend!  
__Just around the chocolate bend!_

Some Pumba-Moombas appeared on the ship, and began to row some oars, moving the ship in circles with the swimmers. Auron ran to the side and began hurling. Willy Wakka ran over and slapped him, telling him not to contaminate the chocolate. So, Auron turned and threw up over him. That made him shut up, and the song continued.

_Love to row these oars!  
__Just around the chocolate bend, beyond the shore.  
__Candy treats like me!  
__Be suckled once more_

_Just around the chocolate bend!  
__Just around the chocolate bend!_

_Should I choose the berriest course?  
__Is my suckling at an end?  
__Should I marry Tidus Gloop?  
__Isn't this just pretend?_

_Tell me once more, great Willy Wakka…  
__Just around the chocolate bend!……_

As the song faded, Willy hummed the tune a while longer and then faded out as well. The boat was now in the middle of a maze-like cave. All of the water was chocolate, the walls looked like gingerbread of cookie, and the ceiling was made out of mints, lollipops, and gumdrops. Rikku "oohed" and "awed" at the marvelous cave, while Yuna and Vidina chatted away. Auron just sat there, blank faced and bored as hell. He wanted a prize, and he wanted it now. The thought of becoming Willy Wakka's heir seemed tempting, but in fact held no real value to him. He wanted to just fling himself into the chocolate vortex, but whenever he got close to the edge of the boat, the Poomba-Moombas would blockade him. So, seeing no other way of having fun, Auron decided to annoy the other contestants.

Meanwhile, Yuna and Vidina were getting along fine. Vidina was a strapping young lad, with fiery orange hair and a tanned well toned body. Yuna was infatuated with him, more than with either Tidus or Brother. She imagined Vidina and her on a beach, Vidina shirtless showing off his radiant chest, his glistening body reflecting the sun and the waves. She could see herself snuggling with him, hugging and kissing. She fantasized over him and his body and finally called out, "OH VIDINA!"

Vidina backed away at the outcry, giving Yuna a terrified look. Rikku turned around to look at her overly-passionate cousin. She buried her face in her hands, embarrassed to know this "crazy lady". Auron, on the other hand, was laughing his pants off. (Fortunate for him, no one seemed to care that he was walking around in his briefs for the rest of the trip.) Willy Wakka too was laughing, but his was a cynical and psychotic laugh. The four remaining contestants backed to the opposite end of the ship.

As they walked back, Yuna noticed the now more appealing Auron. She giggled to herself and then rather boldly and upfront said, "Auron, I never noticed how _bulging_ your muscles were..." as she eyed his exposed legs and moved up his thighs. Yuna smirked coyly and moved her arm in a clawing motion "Rawr."

Auron gulped, and pushed his sunglasses up a bit. No one could tell, but Auron's face was turning as bright red as his overcoat. He moved behind the rest of the group, and kept eyeing Yuna's back throughout the boat ride. _Brother was right, _he told himself,_ Yuna does have a nice backside._ He looked over, trying to avert his eyes. Yuna was 19; and he was 35. The last thing he needed was to be lusting over a teenager. But, as he moved his eyes off Yuna, they fell 'accidentally' onto Rikku. He could see almost everything; since he was taller he had a nice vantage point. He saw her nice, sleek tan back trailing down to her nice sleek tan legs. And the miniskirt in-between left little to his imagination. His face continued to grow brighter red until he could hide it no longer.

Willy Wakka happened to notice what was happening and cleared his throat rather loudly, which stopped Auron's peeping. "Excuse me, but if you could please sit down and fasten your seat straps because we're going to be experiencing some rough water soon." The three, Vidina, Rikku and Yuna, sit down in the middle of the boat. Auron went to sit behind them but Willy forbade it. "I saw what you were doing," he whispered into his ear, "and unless you want them to know, I strongly suggest you sit with me, in the front."

Not having any alternatives, Auron sat up there while Yuna kept gazing at his muscular ass for the rest of the trip.

They kept going down the chocolate river, Auron and Willy talking occasionally in the front, Yuna ogling Auron's exposed undergarments, and Vidina and Rikku talking amongst themselves, giggling and laughing.

Vidina liked Rikku better than Yuna. For one, Yuna seemed not only oblivious, but ditzy. She also just jumped around with lovers. He thought she was very slutty. _I mean, first that Tidus dude who was a complete lard ball. I bet she dumped him cuz he got fat. How shallow. Then she began taking to me, which I didn't mind until she started moaning my name— that was _really_ odd. Then this Auron dude. Man, who does she think she is? Everyone can see she's all over him. Why doesn't she just admit it and get it over with instead of stalking her._

Rikku, the polar opposite, was nice and friendly. Sure she exposed a little more, but Vidina had to problems with that. Rikku also seemed trustworthy, something Yuna might need to learn. Plus, _I'm not shallow, _he told himself, she's also filthy rich. But she doesn't spend it like crazy. _No, Rikku is too smart for that. Not like the ditz pinhead Yuna._

Vidina wrapped his arm around Rikku shoulder and just happened to point with his hand towards the river. "What a great idea!" Vidina thought he heard. He looked over and saw Rikku beaming back at him. She pecked him on the cheek and then casually began slipping out of her skirt and sleeves. Vidina rose quite the eyebrow, but he was the only who noticed. Rikku then jumped into the chocolate river and Vidina screamed. That caught everyone's attention.

Seeing what Rikku did, Auron figured it was the only place he could go to rid himself from the rather annoying Yuna. Auron took his chance as everyone ran to where Rikku had jumped ship. He walked, and then ran to the boat's edge and dived off. The group heard a splash and began screaming more loudly, for now two of the contestants had surely died.

Willy Wakka, smart though he acted very silly, immediately ordered the Pumba-Moombas to find the two missing people. Vidina volunteered as well. Willy would not let him. "This contest is for my possible future child," he said between sobs, "and if you go, then the only one left is Yuna. And well… I want my child to be proven to me, not just be the only one who doesn't die!"

Vidina rolled his eyes and then flung off his saffron vest. This revealed his muscular body from all the blitzball training. Yuna looked over, and because he looked so much like the fit Tidus, Yuna fell in love with him all over again. She ran over to him to swallow him up in her hug, but he was running to save Auron and Rikku. And so, in one final dive, the last two contestants were immersed in the chocolate river.

--------------------------

The chocolate river wasn't as violent or dangerous as it seemed. Vidina easily swum through it until he found a small inlet and resurfaced. He had lost Yuna, but that didn't bother him much. He was looking for Rikku and Auron. _And,_ he thought, _I've lost that nutcase Willy Wakka. What is that guy's problem anyway? He probably forgot to take his medication._

He got up slowly, chocolate pouring off his skin and shorts. He shook his heavy hair and chocolate goo dripped out slowly. "Ew…" he murmured while he shivered. "I'm never eating chocolate again."

Vidina looked around and saw what looked like a cave. Having no real idea where he, going into the cave seemed like a great thing to do. So he did.

The cave winded left and right and, if Vidina wasn't going crazy (which might have rubbed off of Willy Wakka), he could swear the cave looped up and down. At the end he found a tiny door. To the left was a little sign that read, "Please enter here. Refreshments and party."

Vidina was hesitant at first, but opened to the door. He was barely able to squeeze through and realized that Auron could definitely not be in here. But, Rikku might.

"Wow…" was all Vidina could mutter out. He was standing in the biggest room he had ever seen; it was even bigger than the indoor jungle. And, machines and machina and food were everyone. Upon further inspection, he saw Pumba-Moombas working on the machines.

He walked up to the machine closest to him. It was a giant hypno-wheel. Vidina, being a lesser minded fellow, was instantly hypnotized. He reawoke a few minutes later by sharp taps in his chest. "Ow," he winced, "what's the big idea? Geez I'm just admiring the"

He looked back into the wheel again, and become hypnotized another time. He felt the pain again and responded, "Ow, what's the big idea? Geez I'm just admiring the"

Before he could be hypnotized again, the Pumba-Moomba beside him gave him some freaky goggles. They were almost exactly like giant sunglasses, but wrapped around his head like a band. "Wow! Everything's all orange. Hey, what this big red and white swirly wheel doing here? Someone might get hurt or hypnotized."

The Pumba-Moomba rolled its eyes and went on to explain. "We make candy canes using this machine. The hypno-wheel is perfect for twisting the colors together. Don't ya know?"

Vidina shrugged, took a free sample (which he isn't supposed to do) and walked over towards the center. He saw all sorts of weird contraptions, like bubbling toast, and springs, and pipes, and even a switch. Vidina had only heard about these legendary machina. He flicked it, and everything turned off.

"HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?"

"Oopsies," and Vidina turned it back on. And we walked into the center where he found none other than Rikku, Auron, and Yuna.

All three of them were soaked in chocolate as well. Auron had discarded his overcoat, and so was now just in his underwear which he passed off as bathing suit. (his whole body was covered in chocolate, so no one could tell the difference) Rikku was wearing her bikini bathing suit which she always wore underneath her outfit, and Yuna was in her chocolate stained top and short shorts. (the skirt had fallen off or something)

Vidina sat down and the lights dimmed.

"And now," and announcer spoke, "our feature presentation! The one! The only! Miss Pomba-Womba!"

A spotlight shone on the floor and Miss Pomba-Womba walked out. She looked like a Pumba-Moomba, except she was a girl. A few Pumba-Moombas accompanied her as back-up dancers.

Music began playing in the background (to the tune of _I'm a Barbie Girl_) and Miss P-W (pomba-womba) began singing and dancing.

_I'm a Pomba-Womba  
__doing this samba. _

She started slow dancing with some of the back-up dancers.

_I work here for Willy  
__Isn't that silly?_

She started giggling uncontrollably.

_You can see me dance,  
__And watch me prance!_

Miss P-W began prancing back and forth from each corner of her stage. "tra-la-la-la-la!"

_I'm chewy like elastic,  
__Isn't that Gum-Tastic?_

She started shimmy-ing and shaking her rather large butt at Yuna. Yuna only giggled but kept staring for the rest of the performance.

_Come on guys, let's go eat!  
_"_Look at my feet!"_

Miss P-W started motioning the guys to come up and then started pointing at her padded feeet.

_Come on guys, let's go eat!_

She motioned again, this time to the girls and then jumped up and down exclaiming:

"_pink feet! pink feet!"_

_Come on guys, let's go eat!  
_"_Look at my feet!"  
__Come on guys, let's go eat!  
_"_pink feet! pink feet!"_

She repeated the motions again, this time getting them to come up and dance. Auron and Vidina were to the left of her, and Yuna and Rikku to the right.

_You can dance! _Miss P-W looked over at the girls and pointed at them.  
_You can chew! _Miss P-W looked to the boys and pointed, pretending to be eating  
_You can always,  
__go to the zoo! _

She flung up her arms and had the dancers run across stage underneath them. Fireworks shot off in the background and the performers took their final pose.

"Bravo, Bravo!" they saw Willy Wakka golf clapping. "Well, are you ready to continue?" he asked the contestants.

Saddened by seeing Willy, the four began to leave.

"WAIT!" Yuna shouted. "I'm not going."

Willy Wakka gasped and fainted. He recovered and asked rudely, "Well why not?"

"I finally know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a singer. I can stay here and train and perform with Miss P-W until we get really good ad then we can go ALL of Spira and have concerts."

"All my life," she continued to Willy's annoyance, "people have been pressuring me to do stuff I didn't want to do. I didn't want to be a summoner, or a sphere hunter. I was forced to! I want to do something I WANT!"

"But you can't. Singing and dancing is for attractive women only. Or possibly men who think they are attractive women."

Tears welled up in Yuna's big girly eyes. "But— but— WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" She ran behind stage and cried and cried. Miss P-W tried consoling her.

"Well, now that that's taken care of, are you ready?"

Not really wanting to see a baby Yuna, or her trying to sing or dance, the three remaining followed Willy through the next door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I hope this was as funny as the other chapters! I'll try to update more frequently.

-AntiMusicMan


	5. Chapter 5

**Willy Wakka and the Blitzball Factory**

**Chapter Five: Exit Rikku**

"Well, let's get going!" Willy Wakka led the remaining three out of the room, and away from the heartbroken Yuna. Rikku looked back, feeling pity for her friend, but all the same glad that Yuna had left. After all, Yuna always saved stolen the spotlight, now it was her turn.

Vidina and Auron both looked back, both glad that they were rid of the annoying pest known as Yuna. Auron's lusty thoughts had vanished completely for Yuna, and the others for Rikku were dying fast. He had more important things to worry about.

"Now, the next part of the factory is very important. I call it this machine the Gumb-u-lator. She's very pretty isn't she? Yes she is, yes she is." Willy began petting and soothing the machine. Auron and Vidina both backed away from the strange man, very traumatized by this purple-clad man, but Rikku inched forward, intrigued by what this beautiful thing was.

It was a rather large machine, and surprisingly, it was made all out of plastic. A large tube on top of it connected it to the long network of pipes that ran across the ceiling and throughout the factory. Little circular windows were scattered throughout the cylindrical part, the main part. At the base, next to Willy Wakka, lay all the controls. And to the other side, a conveyer belt came out of the machine, displaying candy.

"I call them gumbus. They are sticky and elastic like gum (as Ms. Pomba Womba was so inclined to point out to you in song), are long lasting like gobstoppers, and provide excellent sources of nutrients for growing…" He looked over the contestants. He grew disgusted and wretched his face. "…people," he finished disgustedly.

Vidina gave him a look like 'thanks a lot bozo'. Auron just looked at the weirdoes surrounding him, and tired so hard not to laugh. Rikku had wandered up next to the conveyer belt and picked up a gumbu. Willy turned around just fast enough to whack it out of her hands just before it touched her lips. "No," he pointed his finger straight into her eyes. "They aren't perfected yet. There's too much sugar. If you had eaten it, KABOOM!" His eyes grew wide and he moved his hands out to show the explosion.

"Sugar can't kill you," Auron remarked. He looked at Willy Wakka through his dark shades and the tension was growing stronger every second.

"I'll have you know," Willy remarked, "anything, and _every_thing can, and will, try to kill you."

Auron dismissed the obvious threat and began walking again. "Let's go," he murmured as he went past.

The three followed after their newly designated guide. Willy promptly walked in front of Auron, so he could prove once and for all, that he was the guide, the leader, and the strongest man here.

Of course, the only person he could fool was himself, for the contestants knew of Auron's brute strength.

The four found themselves in a hallway, with no windows or doors in either direction. The hallway was white, and everything was so clean and germ-free, as Willy pointed out to them. They followed Willy Wakka up to door and he walked through it; the three followed.

The room was a large dome, and they were on the outskirts of it. A circular ring, which they were standing on, encircled the dome. A fence was preventing anyone from falling down below. Speaking of which, down below were fifty or so hooded men, all hunched over desks doing something that looked important.

Auron gave them one glance, and uninterested, looked away and began searching for something mischievous to do. Vidina grew bored as well, and the two quietly snuck around the circle, looking for some other door. Rikku, on the other hand, being the unfortunate blonde ditz, was enthralled with the hooded men. She turned to Willy Wakka, excitement across her face, and asked as calmly as a hyperactive teenage girl can ask, "Who are they? What are they doing?"

Willy Wakka answered her question loud enough for Auron and Vidina, about halfway across the circle, to hear. "These are the special Hooded Men. They do not sing and dance like the Pumba-Moombas, or Pomba-Wombas. Instead, they are cooped up here doing boring, pointless work because they are sad and boring people."

Rikku looked at the purple man funny. "Oh," was all she could mutter. That wasn't nearly as exciting as she thought it would be. Still, not being very bright or careful, Rikku leaned on the fence to study the Hooded Men. She had leaned on a gate, which swung it open, and she fell into the "Pit of Doom".

All of the Hooded Men turned away from their desks when they saw Rikku fall. This disturbance in their monotonous tasks could not be tolerated. And so, they began chanting.

Willy Wakka watched eagerly and began muttering to himself, "This will be the test. If she is has a pure heart, then she will be killed, but if her heart if full of evil and darkness, then by-golly, she'll become a Hooded Man, and join their futile work."

The chant began softly, though the words were packed with anger. The men lined up in a circle surrounding the poor clumsy Al Bhed. They slowly began floating to their right, and gradually sped up until they were all a large black blur. And their chant grew louder, deeper, and angrier.

_Here comes Sephiroth… what will Sephiroth do?  
Here comes Sephiroth… what will Sephiroth do?  
Here comes Sephiroth… what will Sephiroth do?_

All of the Hooded Men stopped abruptly. The terrified Rikku was cowering on the floor, scared out of her wits. She was pulling her hair out and tears streamed down her face. "All I wanted was some excitement, not _this_!"

_Here comes Sephiroth, what will Sephiroth do?  
__Here comes Sephiroth, what will Sephiroth do?  
__Here comes Sephiroth, what will Sephiroth do?_

_He's coming for Ri-I-I-I-KU!_

The Hooded Men began zooming around Rikku again, adding to her confusion and terror. As the unholy chant continued, the light grew dimmer and dimmer, until all of the lights were off except for the spotlight on Rikku.

As the chant grew louder and louder, a hole opened in the ceiling. A man with long, platinum silver hair descended ever so slowly. He wore a black robe and a single gray wing protruded his back. He carried a long thin blade, and it was aimed downward, as if he was ready to strike his foe into the ground.

This spectacle caught Auron's attention, and he grew even more interested when the man appeared out of the ceiling. Rikku noticed this man, Sephiroth, as well. She noticed his blade too. She began screaming wildly for mercy. She tried running away, but the Hooded Men whirring by prevented her. All the while, Sephiroth continued his descend.

_Here comes Sephiroth, what will Sephiroth do?  
__Here comes Sephiroth, what will Sephiroth do?  
__Here comes Sephiroth, what will Sephiroth do?_

_He's coming for RI-I-I-I-KU!_

As the "_KU!"_ left the Hooded Men's mouths, Sephiroth came crashing down. He drove his Masamune blade into Rikku, splicing her in half. Auron smiled, Vidina turned away in disgust, and Willy Wakka gasped, though he seemed to be enjoying it.

Sephiroth pulled his blade out of the body and wiped it clean with his wing. He looked up at the contestants and flashed a vampiric smile. His eyes glowed orange and he flung his arms out. Flames shot out, consuming the Hooded Men. Sephiroth let out a maniac laugh, and then disappeared with the flames.

The light kicked back on, and all that was left of the incident was the memory the three people had.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Sorry for the really short chapter, but since I haven't updated in like forever, I felt like I needed to throw this one out here. I hoped you enjoyed it! I promise I'll get the final chapters up sooner and that they will be longer and more exciting (just like Rikku wanted. Too bad she's not here…)


	6. Chapter 6

Willy Wakka and the Blitzball Factory 

**Chapter 6: Eliminate Auron Tevee!**

Dun- da- da- dunh! Da dun dun dah!

Story thus far:  
Yuna, Rikku, and Paine had defeated the menace Vegnagun and saved Spira. Unfortunately, on a ride on their airship, they became stranded in a strange area. Paine, along with Shinra, had left, leaving Yuna and Rikku to fend for themselves.

The cousins met the ruler of the land —Willy Wakka, a crazed blitzball-teer. He invited them to join a search for his lost child. Five contestants were picked: Yuna Beauregard, Tidus Gloop, Auron Tevee, Rikku Salt, and Vidina Buckets.

Little by little however, the contestants began dropping off, until now only Auron and Vidina remained. Auron was beginning to act strangely, and if Vidina could knock him off, he could be the winner…

Select Level:  
'Eliminate Auron Tevee!': Find and eliminate the scoundrel Auron and claim the title of Willy Wakka's fake child!

…. … … … … …. …. … .. … … … .. …

"Come along now, there's nothing to see here!" Willy Wakka said as he corralled the two remaining contestants out of the room. Vidina and Auron both hadn't liked Rikku very much; she had been extremely peppy and annoying, but she had just been killed. And Willy Wakka didn't even mention it, or look sad in the least bit. Something was up, the two were sure of it.

Willy Wakka began guiding the two down a long hallway. He began another one of his pointless history lectures, and naturally both Vidina and Auron zoned out. But, something caught Auron's eye along the way. He happened to hear Willy Wakka say, "… made of pure gold. My most treasured and valuable thing in this factory."

As the others rounded the corner, Auron stayed behind and snuck into the room. It was a rather large room, and the golden object rested in the middle. He grinned and approached it.

"Precious… Mine! It's all mine!"

"Well, actually, it was mine first," a voice echoed, "but if you can answer all of these questions correctly, I'll give it to you as a prize!"

"First question: Who is the most annoying person of them all?"

Auron paused for a second. He knew so many people that fit into that category. "Um…" He began listing the people in his head, hoping the correct one would pop out. _Tidus, he was a huge crybaby… Rikku, she was always so happy… Wakka, just because he's Wakka… Willy Wakka, even worse than the first Wakka… Kimahri, he never said anything, and he has bigger muscles than me… Brother, OMY, he is so annoying, and he dresses so oddly…_ Auron's list went on and on and he eventually just gave an answer.

"Well, the most annoying person that I know would have to be Willy Wakka. Man, do I hate him!"

"Um, that wasn't the answer I had. We'll leave this question as a 'maybe'. Okay, next one, question two: Whom do you love most?"

Auron stared blankly. _Who asks that?_ he thought _And can that have a correct answer?_ The voice had materialized now. He was a man-like thing. His body was oddly round, but flat from the sides, and reminded Auron of a smushed sphere.

"Hello! I am "the Voice". I am a cantaloupe pie. See, there are cherry pies, apple pies, blueberry pies, strawberry pies, etc., but those all get eaten up. I, on the other hand, being unique, since only one person has ever made a cantaloupe pie, was sent here to spend the rest of my days. But the great Willy Wakka gave me life, and keeps me in this room," the pie man said.

Auron was already fed up with this guy and he flung out his sword. The fact that he thought Willy Wakka was amazing made Auron dislike the pie man. Plus that fact that he was a cantaloupe; boy did Auron love cantaloupe. The cantaloupe pie man sensed the impending doom and began backing away.

"I'm sorry, next question'll be less personal." He was waving his hands in front of him, trying to make it into a joke.

"This is no joke. And there won't be a next question!" Auron stated as he ran at the man. Before he could react, Auron had stabbed his sword through his middle. He pulled his blade out and licked all of the cantaloupe off it. "Mmmmmmmmmm! That's some good eating!"

The cantaloupe pie man was gasping on the floor; he was beginning to disappear and fade. He put his hand up in the air and muttered something. He then went limp and faded away.

Auron smiled to himself and walked over to the golden object of his desire. "The fabled Golden Chocobo Egg. It is said to grant the owner tremendous luck and fortune. Let's see." He slashed the glass covering around it and grabbed the surprisingly lightweight egg. He spray painted some graffiti before leaving the room.

Meanwhile, Vidina had been stuck listening to Willy Wakka's nonsense ramblings. He was interrupted (Thank Yevon!) by the sounds of the alarms going off. Willy quickly assessed the situation and grabbed Vidina's arm and began dragging him.

"Hey weirdo! Let me go!" Vidina said as he struggled.

"Not a chance," was the curt reply. "We have to find that Auron Tevee. And you're going to help me eliminate him."

"Eliminate? You mean kill him?"

"Precisely!" Willy replied. Vidina was growing more and more scared of this man, and he wasn't so sure that he wanted to win the contest. Having this crack head as a father seemed like a horrible idea. But he had to comply. First off, Willy had an amazing grip, so Vidina couldn't struggle away. And second, he wondered what Willy Wakka might try to do to him if he didn't follow directions.

As the two rounded the corner, they saw a red coat dart around another. "Hahaha! We've found you Auron! There is no escape!" But when they got to the corner, they found it all up in flames. Auron had sprayed his beer all over the ground and walls, and then lit it on fire, creating a massive and impenetrable fire wall.

"Man," Vidina remarked, "I need to get me one of those to protect my computer! Nothing can pass that!"

"Well, we have to! Luckily, I always wear fireproof briefs. And," he said as he looked in the room Auron had run out of, "I happen to have an extra pair. Here you go."

Vidina was in shock. He not only would have to wear Willy Wakka's extra fireproof underwear (which really was more of a speedo), but he'd have to see Willy Wakka in one too. Lucky for Vidina, and us, Willy stripped down to his fireproof clothing while Vidina was staring at his own.

"C'mon hurry!" was the only sound he heard as Willy jumped through the firewall. By the time Vidina turned to look, he was gone.

Vidina sighed as he slipped on the tight red underwear with a flame on the butt. He was going crazy, he was sure of it, and he knew it was all the fault of Willy Wakka. Armed with but briefs, he ran towards the firewall. He jumped through and was relieved to feel no pain whatsoever. Unfortunately, his clothes which he had intended to put back on were no more; they had burned in the flames.

"Could this day get any worse?" he asked rhetorically. He spotted a group of Poomba-Moombas in the distance and muttered to himself, "Of course!" Vidina quickly darted around the corner hoping no one saw him.

In front of our young strapping blitzballer was a hall of mirrors. But not fun house mirrors where they distort images; no they were regular, ordinary, rectangular mirrors. (Leave it to a crazy person to have a hall of normal mirrors.) Vidina glanced at himself as he walked down the hallway and realized that the flame retardant briefs didn't look so bad. In fact, he thought they looked hot. Literally, since there was a flame on his butt. "Try and stop me now," he said aloud.

"Okay! HII-YAH!" a random passerby said as he ran towards Vidina and karate chopped him into a mirror. "HAHAHA! I stopped you fiend!" the random man shouted as he disappeared to winst he came.

Vidina got up and shook his head, thinking that must have been a hallucination or something and continued his trek to find Willy Wakka. It led him to a hangar, with boats, cars, planes, and ships in it. "Wow!" As he awed at the site, he saw Willy Wakka waving on a ship in the distance.

"Come, we have to catch that villainous Auron Tevee! Here, put on this safety suit, and let us be on our way!" Willy instructed. Vidina slipped on the safety suit, a large banana suit, and went into the cockpit of a fighter ship. Willy slipped into his own suit, one that resembled an apple, and boarded his own jet.

"Countdown: in 5! 4! 3! 2!"

"WAIT! You can't leave yet!" a feminine voice called out.

"Why not?"

"Because I love eat, eat, eat… apples and bananas. _She loves to eat, eat, eat… apples and bananas!_ I love to ate, ate, ate… aepples and banenes. _She loves to ate, ate, ate… aepples and banenes! _I love to ite, ite, ite… ipples and baninis. _She loves to ite, ite, ite… ipples and baninis._ I love to"

"SHUT THE FREAKIN' &$$ && $ )8056 UP!" a teenager yelled.

Baby Bop, the feminine voice, was horrified. "You… you… can't say that, this is a kid's show!" She then covered her face and began crying.

"OH! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! DIE!" Roxas shouted as he flew down and slew Baby Bop with his keyblade. "There, no more. Now, there will be peace." And he disapparated.

"Countdown in 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! BLAST-OFF!"

"WHEE! I can fly!" Vidina said gleefully.

"No you can't," Willy retorted.

"Yes, I can!" Vidina replied.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Ya-huh!"

"Nun-uh and sugar on top!"

"Dude, that doesn't even make sense."

"Yah-huh!" Willy said, sticking out his tongue.

"OH! LOOK! A spaceport! Let's dock; I bet Auron's there." Vidina said, pointing to a spaceport. The Highwind FFVII, the airship from FFX, the Celsius, and the gummi ship were all parked there as well.

"OH! LOOK!" Willy said excitedly, pointing to a neon sigh that read 'Karaoke Tonite'.

Vidina hit himself on the head and murmured, "You've got to be kidding."

Willy parked the ship and dragged Vidina in with him. He bullied through a slew of people, namely Cid (FF7), the other Cid (FF8), the other Cid (FF10), his son Brother, and the other Cid (KH). "Attention, attention!" he said, grabbing a mike. "I would like to say something to a certain someone, you know who you are. Anyways, the only way to settle this is…. A singing contest!"

The lights all dim out, and only a spotlight remains on Willy Wakka. He begins to sing.

"_One way or another I'm gonna find ya  
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha  
One way or another I'm gonna win ya  
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha  
One way or another I'm gonna see ya  
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha  
One day, maybe next week."_

Meanwhile, Auron, who is hiding among the various Cids begins creeping away, as Willy is too preoccupied with his song. He steals Willy's ship and begins blasting away into space.

"_One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha getcha getcha_" Willy ended his song, and curtsied to the audience, who were applauding loudly. "Thank you, thank you. I knew this day would come!"

Vidina interrupted Willy's moment of glory by telling him of Auron's thievery.

"That villain! He shall pay! He didn't even sing!" Vidina smacked himself again. "Oi vey!"

So, Willy borrowed Cid's ship and flew in pursuit of the villainous Auron.

---some time passes ---- and some more things too ----

He finds Auron landed on a desert moon, and steps out of the ship. "You shall pay! Witness my power!" Willy pulls out a large candy-like sword.

Auron grins and brandishes his large, and real, sword. "I'm ready." He then pushes his arm out, revealing his shaven armpit. He grins and rushes at Willy.

"AHHH! EEKK!" Willy screams as he tries to dodge Auron's blows. But Auron is too fast and skilled, and Willy falls down, injured.

"I guess it's up to me now," Vidina mutters as he stands to face Auron. "I used to think you were okay, a prankster at worst. But now, I know the truth!" Vidina is growing angry and begins to glow. "DNA Digivolve to---"

Willy's spirit rises out of him and bonds with Vidina, who is levitating and glowing. Spirits of Digimon, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, fiends, his friends, and water all combine to make—"SupaVidinoMegaZoidMonstamon!"

Auron grows wide-eyed at the monster standing before him. "Crap!"

"Behold the wrath of SupaVidinoMegaZoidMonstamon!" he screams as he slams his fist into the ground, barely missing Auron. Aurons runs at SupaVidinoMegaZoidMonstamon and hits him with his sword, but the monster does not even flinch. "Now, prepare to be digitalized! Digital Vortex!" And a swirling vortex sucks up Auron, placing him in the Digital World.

All of the spirits leave SupaVidinoMegaZoidMonstamon and he returns back to Vidina. He runs over to Willy and picks up the injured chocolatier.

Willy looks up at Vidina, and tears begin to form. "You did great…"

"Son?" Vidina says.

"Yes, you did great, son."

"Does this mean I get to call you dad?"

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OMY! I'm so sorry about taking forever to update. First I couldn't think of ideas, than I went on vacation, then I couldn't find a way to write my ideas, and then I just like was in a total "I know I should write, but I kinda don't want to" kind of mood. But, even still, I don't really have a good excuse.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this fic. And especially to everyone who like it! I hope to be able to write more little, funny, parody fics in the future, and your support will be most appreciated. Thank you again!


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